Monolouge - Geoffery

A Grave Burried for Love

Geoffery is a vicar. He's fat and dellusional. He wears a Christian cross around his neck. He stands infront of  the altar in a church. It is evening.

She's lying about something. I can sense it. I dont know whether its the spirits in this church or a message from God but i know something isn't right. Shes hiding something from me and I will find out. She thinks im oblivious. Heartless is what she called me but she has no idea. I have a sixth sense. A gift from God. Thats why so many people come to church. They want to hear me talk. They want to feel the power I have. She doesnt appricate me at all. (Rolls eyes).

My wife is what she is supposed to be but its more like my child. She never cooks, never cleans and never shows any emotions. Thats whats she's supposed to do but instead all she does is moan. All the time. And drink. And swear. Its  really disrespectful. Especially at service. It can't just be me who can smell it. The stech of alcohol from her breath fills the church but most people think its the communion wine but not me. I can spell the difference. Its the same smell from home.

Tomorrow I am holding a service about honesty and loyalty. I wonder if she will come.

Geoffery is sat on the benches in the church. He has just ended his service. It is morning.

I knew she wouldn't come. She told me she was just popping to the shops. The shops are only round the corner. It doesnt take 3 hours. At least the service went well today. I met a young lady called Audery. She likes to be called Dee. She's a very pretty woman. ''That was a lovely service Geoffery'' she told me, I told her she could call me Geoff. That was a mistake.

As much as she may not think I do, I love her. Loved? Love? Loved? Does it make a difference? Does anything matter anymore?

Of course it does.

No. It doesn't. I know. I know my wife doesnt love me. I have been gifted with a sense of truth. I can see in her eyes. Every night when she tells me she is going out to the shop, she isn't getting what she told me she was. She never comes back smelling the same. Never comes back with her hair the same style. Never comes back the same woman.

Geoffery is stood infront of a grave. It is afternoon.

I burried a man today. His name was Steven. He was an alcoholic. No one came to his funeral apart from his postman... Sad isn't it. How even at death no one cares. God cares of course but he has to.(Helpless laughter) He is God. But no family, no friends just a postman who probably felt bad for him. Infact he was the one who found Steven lead on the floor when he peeked through the letter box. 

The postman explained to me how Steven used to be married. He told me how it turnt out they were both having an affair but neither of them knew. He didnt tell me how, but eventually Stevens guilt caused him to start drinking. That's why his wife left him. That was the excuse she gave him anyway. 'I can't date an alcoholic, someone who loves to drink more than they do spend time with me'. Liar. Bad as eachother! God see's everything. Sinners. God hears everything. Sinners. Even your thoughts . Sinners.

After he told me about Steven it was all made so clear. Like looking into a mirror. Or through a glass window from the eyes of another person looking onto my life. 

It was all so very clear. Clearer than vodka. Clearer than white wine. Clearer than rum.

(Looks at a photo of him and his wife on their wedding day).

If only I had realised back then.

Travel Writing - Newquay

''Jess your purse! You've forgotton your purse.'' were the last words i heard from my mum as we headed off to newquay. I could already predict this was going to be the most disorganized, chaotic week of our lifes. 23 sixteen year olds with no parents must be a recipie for disaster.

We stayed in a small building called Bookneys, a town house just off the highstreet reminding me of some sort of infernal nightmare. At arrival we were greeted by a forgein man explaining how he didnt have enough beds which meant two people would have to sleep on the floor. Just what we paid for. The bunk-beds which were avaiable were corroded and screeched in pain as we sat upon them. The kitchen was the forbidden land which meant we relied on the local chip shop most evenings. Our rooms resembled a bomb site but to us it was an extremely organised mess; clothes costing more than £10 folded neatly whilst the rest was screwed up and chucked into a pile next to the tarnished windows. It was clear by the creaking floorboards and the lack of clean bedding, not much attention or care was given to the rooms. No wardrobe, no cupboard, no table. Between 23 of us, we were forced to share 2 communial bathrooms,one for the boys and one for the girls but this rule wasnt followed. The stench off arrogance leaked from girls toilets making it apparent the boys felt they had the freedom of both facilites. Despite the lousy conditions, it was the imperfections of Bookneys which made everyone so fond of it turning it into an abandonned child who needed some nurturing.

Towan, Fistral and Crantock were the three beaches Newquay had to offer us with the variety of choices from a sandy beach to a pebble one. At the end of our road was Fistral beach which was the seafront we visited the most due to general laziness we all shared. Regardless of the proximity, Fistral was by far my personal cherised place to be. If it wasn't the silky smooth sand tickling your toes, it was the sound of the harsh waves crashing onto land washing all of your troubles away. Although Newquay is located in a country famous for atrocious weather conditions, not once did i recieve a visit from the bad weather and instead, was met by a rare thing called 'sunshine'. The sun was the main contributer to why the beach was such an enjoyable place to be as it made it possible to go swimming, play ball games and sunbathe for hours. Soaking up the sun became part of my daily routine along with attempting to herdle over the immense waves speeding towards me. One thing i greatly disliked about visiting the sea was the repulisve taste of the salty sea water. It completley ruined the thrill of jumping between each wave as if it was a skipping rope. Hidden caves brought out my inner explorer and within second me and my friends were climbing inside looking for anything that looked cool. We discovered a secret passage way but to our dismay the door at the end was secured with ancient rusted locks. Unfortunatley, the masses of graffitti made it apparent that we weren't the first people to spot it.

Kimz Kitchen Dinner was also located at the end of our street and was the home to the finest selection of food i have ever witnessed. Stepping inside was like stepping straight into the 1950s with the black and white checked floor and the retro red leather seats waiting for you to enjoy a slice of heaven. People travelled miles to taste the luscious DCB burger, filled with buttermilk fried chicken breast, topped with bacon, blue cheese , coleslaw and pickles. The way the flavours fused together was something i didnt realise newquay had to offer. The women working there wore red and white dresses with their hair in tight sausage-like curls adding to the theme of the 1950s American dinner.

With two new piercings and £200 missing from my bank account, i was finally prepared to say adios. However, leaving newquay was a painful goodbye to make as i knew i would no longer be waking up to the sound of a bunch of moaning teens complaining about how much their head hurt as a result of their first can of cider or the neighbouring beaches only 5 minutes away. Although i must say, i was looking forward to sleeping on a bed not resembling a brick.

A Beautiful Game, Thailand

'A Beautiful Game' is a style model of travel writing which is explaining about a mans experince in Thailand. This piece opens with a narrative hook as iy introduces the character as 'Sauntering in the oppressiviley close night'. The verb sauntering shows how uncomfortable he is feeling as he has no energy to continue due to the oppressivley close night which highlights again how distressed he is feeling. The adverb oppressiviley inidicates the air around him is brutally humid which is the reason he isn'r feeling pleasant. He then goes on to explain how he ended up at the seafront. The beach at night is often a place associated with danger as it is incredibly dark and the waves are very harsh. This links to the fact he feels agitated as he has wandered down to a unknown beach in the muggy weather,

Furthermore, the subject specific lexis 'aimlessly' 'clueless' and 'found myself' are used to show the reader that the man in Thailand is very lost and has no knowledge of where he is or where he is going. The adverb aimlessley highlights how there is no purpose to his actions and is just strolling around in the dark until he finds something he thinks is entertaining. This also indicates that he isnt scared or nervous to walk around as he doesnt mention any fear he feels which means he must feel a sense of security in his setting. The lexis clueless supports this as it also shows how he has no understanding of what he is doing. In this case he is explaining how he was 'clueless to what the ringleader was saying' which makes us aware that he isnt familar with their language meaning he can't ask where anything is or for help if needed.

Armstrong & Miller Sketch Review

This video use's various slang words which are commonly used between groups of teenage girls to highlight how informal our english language has become and how ridiculous it can sound. I believe they have decided to use the setting of an army office to highlight how awful things could’ve been if our current slang words were used when the war was occurring. The non-standard lexis such as 'swear down' and 'well vexed' highlight how inappropriate our language would've been if we had considered using them years ago in this context and also shows how much language has developed. In addition the repetition of 'harsh' is used when the character is feeling either shocked or betrayed which indicates to the audience that nothing is taken very seriously anymore and someone’s sense of sadness is now seen as a joke or uncared for.

Additionally, the phonology which is used in this video are words such as 'like' and 'whatever' which are used to speed the speech up which is another technique they have used to make the sketch humorous. It achieves this as these types of fillers are associated with modern day slang and the bristolian accent. As the characters are placed in a deliberate scenario which is based in a war scene, it increases the comedy side of it as it emphises how we no longer put much thought or effort into what we are saying and most of the time we make no sense. The colloquial language which replaces the standard english is used especially to boost the playfulness of the video and i believe this is what makes it so funny for the audience to watch as it is very unexpected.

Analysis Of Travel Writing

The piece of text I have decided to analyse is Black Earth City written by Charlotte Hobson. This is a piece of travel writing about her experience once arriving to her new room which she describes in a very negative way. She does this through various style models which i will be now analysing in detail.

Hobson uses the subject specific lexis 'coffin-shaped' 'shouts of horror' and 'possessed her so completely' to mirror the image of a hell-like surrouning. The effect of this makes the reader almost feel like they are also expericeing the terror of the evnivorment Charlotte Hobson has been introduced to. The use of the adjective coffin-shaped makes the coupboards sound deadly and in a way haunted. Closets are often dark and compact which is very similar to a coffin and for that to be in someones room is not a pleasant thing to experience as she would have to wake up to the reminder of death. This could show her constant emotion of hatrid towards her room as she is always waking up in a poor mood. Also the shouts of horror add to the image of a living nightmare as she is constantly being interuppted by people shouting down the corridor. These people shouting could infact be her emotions drving her crazy and causing her to become dilusional.

In addition, the phonology she uses also reflects the way she feels about the place she is currently being placed in. Hobsom explains how the televeision in her room 'crackled and buzzed' which clearly shows it is very old and not very practicalr nor functional. This links to her emotions as it mirrors the lack of hope as everything around her is falling apart which means she will soon too. The simile ' the fridge chugged like an idiling truck' also echos how she feels like there can be movement and improvements made but it will take a while to get to the goal she wants to desperatley achieve which is to make the area she is in a nice place to stay. Sibilance is also used when she desribes the air as having a 'stale sweaty smell'. This is used to slow the reader down to show how miserable they are feeling as the sibilance slows the reader down and often a slow pace is related to sadness and no motivation. The adjective sweaty also shows how she must be feeling very hot and uncomfortable which ties with the theme of unhappiness and stress,

An Introduction To Me

I dont know where to start but here we go,
I was born on the 4th of july, 16 years ago.
I live with my mum and younger brother too,
He may look adorable, but hes not it's true.

When i was three my mum introduced me to dance,
The outfits made me look like a transvestite at first glance.
In a couple of years i made it to a professional level,
But i quit as half of the competitors turnt into the devil.

My friends and family are very important to me,
And as cringey as it may sound, without them i dont know where i'd be.
My bestfriend has now moved 6652 miles away,
And facetime is the only way we can pyhsically say hey.

John Cabot Academy is where i have come from,
The school with the harshest rules about chewing gum.
Its somewhere in kingswood, 5 minutes from my house,
The school with the cupboards infested with louse.

Struggling through exams all i could think of was prom,
Then arrived results day, ''come on jess keep calm''.
After 4 long hours i finally opened the sealed letter,
I had passed everything, i couldnt of felt better.

Not long after, it was time to apply for college,
Time to decide where i wanted to expand my knowledge.
It took me a while to finally make a decision,
But St Brendans was the one which was set in my vision.

So i guess thats it, theres nothing more to tell,
I hope this poem wasnt too similar to hell.
But yeah thats me, Jess Silverthorne,
I hope you dont think im Satan reborn.